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I was 16 years old when my whole life changed, i'm still not sure if it was for the better or for the worst. All I really
know was Apr 21st it all changed. I was a sophmour in high school and preparing for tryouts for varsity swim team. I was always
a good student and never really had any trouble. That one night me and my best friend at the time Brandi were at our local
club house swimming as we usually did. We lived in a mobile home park, weren't very rich but hey we all made it work. That
night my friend Brandi went home to go check in and promised to come back.
While Brandi was gone, i sat in the jacuzzi
loosening up my muscles and relaxing. I saw two older men enter the pool area. I had a bad feeling but tried to ignore it,
they came and sat near the jacuzzi and began talking in spanish. I of course was not the best student in my spanish class,
but i understood the things they were saying about how pretty i was and sexy. It made me uncomfortable so i got out of the
jacuzzi wrapped my towel around me and went to the table to gather my things. I noticed that they both stood up and one began
to walk towards me and i grabbed my stuff and tried to bolt. The other male ran towards the gate and blocked my escape route,
i tried to run past the man that was behind me but he got a hold of me. He slammed me against a wall causing me to fall to
the floor and my head to bleed. I was scrambling to get away crawling on the cold wet concrete floor. The other man came and
he grabbed me by my arms and was lifting me. I kept pulling and tugging. I managed to get my hands free and i tried to run.
The guy managed to grab my leg and i fell. Both men picked me up one had my feet while the other had his arms under my arm
pits and one hand over my mouth and the other hand held a knife to my throat.
They took me into the restroom area
located within the building. No one was even around to hear my muffled cries. I knew i was alone, no one was going to help
me. When we entered the girls restroom they put my feet down and i kept trying to pull away. We got into a struggle and i
managed to get to the window which for some reason was nailed so it couldn't slide open. As both of the men grabbed me from
behind the glass came off and fell to the floor. I can still hear the shattering of the glass. All this noise just pissed
them off. The larger man just threw me to the floor and beat me. I kept trying to cover my chest. His fists just kept hitting
me and i was trying to scream and yell. Then the other man grabbed my face and shoved his shirt in my mouth and placed tape
around my head. They punched me, slapped me, kicked me, until i stopped fighting. They then taped my hands behind my back
and taped one of my legs to one of the legs of the bathroom stall. They raped me. They took turns. At first i was hysterical
and started to cry. Then as they began to switch off it's like i didn't even care anymore. I felt like i was already dead
inside. I can still remember the burning inbetween my legs. The blood on the floor, the glass in my skin, it all makes me
cry. I was a virgin until that night. After they were done with me, they left me there. Bloody and exposed i laid there. I
could taste the blood in the back of my mouth.
Luckily a security guard found me as he came to lock up the pool area.
He called the cops and i took off running with my bloody towel. I ran to a friends house and i sat in the shower for almost
a hour. My friend Shane kept asking me what happened, but i was too scared to talk. Later that night i began to drink, it
wasn't until i was drunk that i told Shane what happened to me. The next day i went to school, tried to cover up what happened
with make up and clothes. When i got home i again went straight to my friends house which i often did so no one suspected
anything. Later that evening my twin brother came over and was like "Nicole two older men came to the house looking for you,
mom wants to know who they are"...That's when i broke, completely fell to the floor in tears i couldn't say a word. Shane
told my brother i think they might have raped your sister and my brother told me mother. The cops were called and a Officer
came and took a report.
During school i dealt with the rumors that spread. My friends all found out, i had to deal
with detectives pulling me out of class to speak with me. It all got too much for me to handle. So i drank, i drank alot.
Began to hang with a bad crowd. The two men that raped me, them and their friends began stalking me, driving by my house shouting
things. I locked myself in my room for over a week. Slept on the floor cause my bed was near the window. I ended up moving
out with two close friends for a few months. The cops raided the place where these two men were supposedly staying but they
were never caught. Even till this day, they haven't been caught. I lost hope and control of my life. I even lost my boyfriend
at the time. Lost my best friend. I lost myself. I stopped caring about myself, i blamed myself for what happened, and most
of all i hated myself. I felt like i had no one, i began to sleep around. Became promiscous figured it was easier to give
it away then have someone take it.
I was spiraling down, my grades were falling, once a straight A student now going
to a C average in a semester. I ended up falling for a older guy, the relationship became abusive. It took me a long time
to get the guts to leave, that and alot of help from a few friends. The problem with me was i never talked about it, i kept
everything inside for so long i just hurt myself so much worse. I knew i had to get my act together and if no one was going
to care about me then the only person who will always be there for me is myself. I had to take care of myself now. I ended
up graduating high school with honors and going onto college where i was a Criminal Justice major. I was getting my life back
on track.
It wasn't until i was raped while drinking at a party that i was like i can't do this anymore. I left and
was walking home until i just collapsed and broke down. A girl and her boyfriend passing by stopped and was trying to see
if i was okay. They called the police. I told the cops i was raped. They took me to the hospital and did the rape kit and
everything. My family told me they didn't want to see me and to get my things and leave for awhile. I was 19 when all of this
happened. A report was filed, they said that because i never told him no and just cried that it may not be considered rape.
My mom helped ruin my case. She showed them a letter to a ex bf telling him i was raped. She had a list of guys numbers in
my room. She had poems about my abusive relationship and about my rape and basically gave them the impression i was mentally
ill and doing this for attention. My mom told them i was a whore and i acted that way so i should get treated that way. I
told the officer no one believes me so i just want this to go away, i retracted my statement. The issue was dropped and i
left with a friend.
My friend drove almost 4 hrs to pick me up from the hospital and i went and stayed with her. After
two weeks i went back home but didn't talk to my family at all, i just didn't say anything to them. 2 months after this incident
i came home from college. My mother told me "Nicole the cops were here and they have a warrant for your arrest. " I was like
what how is this possible, i'm a Criminal Justice major, what did i do wrong. I went to the station and turned myself in they
charged me for filing a false police report. I went to court for a year trying to fight it the judge even ordered me to see
a psychologist, the irony was the man he sent me to dealt with rape offenders not rape victims. The psychologist said i was
perfectly normal and the courts were punishing me for being honest. But I ended up pleading no contest paying $375 dollars
in court fees, 200 hours of community service, year of counseling, and 3 years informal probation. Total i went to court 11
times for a misdemeanor filing a false police report. Being the one in a cell, being handcuffed, searched, sitting on a bench
in court with 4 other males up for charges alot greater than mine ranging from assualt, theft, and one of the guys was up
for kidnapping and raping a 13 yr old girl. we had the same public defender and i overheard them talking. I didn't understand
why i was the bad person and sometimes i still feel like i am. I feel like as if being a victim of rape wasn't enough the
system had to punish me too.
I was suppose to leave for the military but because of the probation. My dreams were
ruined. I wanted to serve my country like my twin bro who was overseas in the Army fighting. I now probably have a very slim
shot of ever working law enforcement but since i alreayd have my associates in Criminal Justice i'm not gonna give it up.
I now am focused on getting my bachelors and applying to law school. I want to become a Criminal Lawyer. Just cause the system
didn't work for me, doesn't mean i can't make it work for others. Sometimes i still feel like a victim but i look at how far
i've come and what i've accomplish and i see i am a survivor. I'm alive, i'm a good person, get good grades, want to help
people, go to college, i have goals, and i work hard in all i do. But when i look back at all the pain and the hurt i lived
with i carry regret that i didn't get help sooner. Things might have been different if i did. But at least i learned. From
being the victim of crime and technically a criminal, i know both sides. But with this knowledge and power i'm gonna help
others, so maybe all of this does happen for a reason. Sometimes the worst thing in your life can turn out to be the greatest,
well only time will tell.
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